Oh to be like Hymn...

"...Let that grace now like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to Thee..." --Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing by, Robert Robinson, 1735-90

I feel a bit like a wanderer today. At least my heart does. Maybe not the wandering from God kind of wander, but definitely wandering away from the page to which my heart is so closely bound.

There are times when I think, what have I to say that hasn't already been said? I hear the beautiful lyrics of hymns that have been sung for hundreds of years and think- that's it, that's all there is to say. Then, there are times when my pen won't hold still. It seems to move on its own accord. It scratches out pages of words that seem to bypass the conscious act of writing and just appear. I know that sounds a little hokey, but the truth is sometimes I can go back and read my own words and think- when did I write that?

Today is one of the former sorts of days. I'm listening to Chris Rice's Peace Like a River: The Hymn's Project and the words of my lyrical predecessors humble me. I secretly wonder if when they wrote out their poems they wondered if it was really worth the paper on which they were scrawled. It's what all the author interviews sound like- oh yes, my first drafts were dreadful- there have been many times I thought what I wrote was better suited for the cat box. Nevertheless, I really wonder if they didn't secretly know that they were great.

I suppose that's only human, to wonder like that, to think that we're the only ones with a self-esteem issue when it comes to writing.

I have moments, those brilliant fleeting moments, and I look at a carefully composed phrase and I think- OOOH, that was good. However, they feel far too few and far too between. My encouragement comes primarily from those that love me and have loved me long. The way I figure it is, if they've encouraged me, then they have to support me if it doesn't work out.

For me, writing is a bit like marriage where you commit to be a partner to it regardless of how you're feeling about it. There are highs and there are lows, but when you're called to be together, you commit and you love, whether it's behaving, loving you back, or giving you the kind of praise you need. So, even though I'm not feeling particularly inspired today, I keep on writing because it is a great love of mine.

I finally finished the draft of my short story, so now it's making the rounds between edits to some trusted souls. Then, in about a week, I'll be e-sending it out. The results aren't revealed until the fall so I'll just try to push it to the back of my brain until then. [Don't worry- I'll post it on my website when it's okay to share it... it'll be published somewhere, LOL.]

In the meantime, while I polish my novel, I'll enjoy others' words.

This is one of my favorites (for obvious reasons) and I doubt I'm alone on this one.

"Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade;
To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry;
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky."
--The Love of God by, Frederick M. Lehman