Heart Sleeve: Shoulda Woulda Coulda

Shoulda Woulda Coulda

It's Friday, do you know where your to-do list is?

If Friday afternoon comes and it makes you cringe to end your *work* day knowing how much is still left to be done...then this post is for you.

I had my weekly chat with my bestest pal last night. It’s something I’ve looked forward to for about 12 years now (she’ll correct me if I’m wrong there). It started out because we both missed having someone to watch ER with. But our friendship has lasted through many things, including the series finale of ER. So, though there’s no more ER, we still hold our Thursday night chats sacred. It is my time to reconnect with her.

Last night, I asked her how she was doing. She said something along the lines of she hadn’t gotten much done other than washing diapers. She was looking for reassurance that this was an acceptable amount of task to be completed in a day. Her baby isn’t quite 3 months old, and likely teething, and has colic- I assured her, yes, you’ve done enough.

It brought back those painful nights with my twins. In the early days of twindom, my son (then 3 yrs old) would spend the day with his aunt and only come home at night with my husband. My husband cooked, cleaned, did laundry, took care of our son, and tried to help me with the babies. We had someone coming a few nights a week to watch the babies so I could sleep. We had someone helping clean the house. We had parents coming and going to help me. Still, I was barely hanging on. I felt like a failure. Clearly, other women had twins (even if they had older children) and managed fine, but I was a fish out of water and on my last gasp.

Fast forward 2 years or so, and my to-do list now is a mile long. I struggle to keep my priorities straight. What are the things that really matter? I try only to take on things that help me accomplish the big goals in my life (strengthening my relationship with God, being a good partner for my spouse, being a good mother for my children, and following my call to write). And, in spite of having clear goals and a method of sorting what to take on—I still get swamped.

The most ridiculous part, is that I get embarrassed saying I can’t take something on because it *feels* like too much. I have women in my life that can multi-task in their sleep. These women panic when the squares on the calendar get too sparse. I panic when there’s more than one something in the box.

I’ve had folks tell me, you just need to put God first and it’ll all fall into place. Well. I feel like God is first. God is my first line of defense-- "HEEEEELLLLLPPPPP!" Help me figure this out, help me get this in order so that I only do what you want. And, I sort feel like God is standing next to me, sleeves rolled up. God's looking at the list, going, "yup, that's pretty much it." Then there's that understanding look, that don't panic look, with the reassuring, “I’m right here. Don't worry. What’ll we dive into first?”

It's not that God can't wave a magic wand and have our to-do's dance and float their way to the done list ala Mary Poppins Style (you know, when the toys get put away in the nursery?)but God usually doesn't work that way, in my experience. We just have to keep plugging away, one task at a time (some of us, several at a time).

I don’t have any clear answers other than this is just something we get to deal with, as humans.

But I bring you good tidings of great relief which shall be for all of you: If you’re finding yourself under a heap of to-do’s and you know very well that you’re chipping away at it, even if it’s a slow pace, that it’s enough.

That's right, I'm declaring it enough, and it is enough.

Rest, and when you're ready- know God is there. God is standing with you, with sleeves rolled up, ready to dive in when you are.