...until the writer's conference, and I still don't have my novel whipped into shape yet. And I know it's a pitiful, weak excuse- but the motivation has just bottomed out. I know I should be working in spite of how I feel about it but with a few other semi-legitimate projects (family, church, social) I can pretend it's because I've been too busy.
Right now, it's easy to convince myself I'm okay with not having it ready. After all, it's just one agent that will be attending. I've looked up her website and I'm fairly certain my book wouldn't really fit into what she/her company tends to publish. But the truth of it is, I would have to not only have my book seriously ready to present but I'd need to have the chapter summaries ready, the proposal, the "elevator pitch"-- all of it, and then it overwhelms me and I think how on earth will I have time? And then I want to kick myself for squandering the last 6 months of my writing life.
It's not writer's block. I have ideas bubbling about and I am fairly certain I know what I'll be novelling next, so it's not that. I think, if there's such a thing, I have editor's block.
One side of me is screaming at the other side of me right now. She's telling me how I'm defeating myself before I even get started. Did I think this whole thing was just going to be jelly beans and gum drops? Did I not expect to have to put some real effort into this? Now she's ranting about how I do this in every project, that maybe this is hobby after all.... Hold on, I need to go grab this other side and shake her shoulders and give her a good slap to snap her out of this. (I'm not one for violence but since it's all in my head and with my self, I think it's okay.)
Okay. Time for a little self-pep talk, a good night's rest, and a game plan. Tomorrow I will post what I need to get done on what day and see if it's practical to think I can do this by August 13th.
Stay tuned.
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